A moment with you

Just a moment with you is all I need. To forget why I'm mad. To forget why I'm stressed. To forget why I hurt. Having you in my arms for just that moment makes me forget everything I think I am, and remember who I really am... your mommy.

Sometimes, I wake up stressed, mad, angry, sad, the list can go on. But the moment I get home from work everyday and see my blue-eyed toddler running towards me with a smile on his face, everything in the world just disappears. If you have never been in love before, then you don't know how this feels, and even if you have been in love, but do not have children, you STILL don't understand the feeling. I fall in love with my child everyday. Yes, even times when I want to pull the hair out of my head and scream because of lack of sleep, or because he simply wants to pull my hair out for me. There can be a time when I am so irritated with the world, and then he walks in the room with nothing but a smile on his face. Unconditional love. His eyes don't judge, don't hurt, don't get mad ( at least not at me, toys are a different story ). He loves me no matter what mistake I make.

When we sit in our room and play with his toys ( Yes, my son and I share a room, well, more my son shares his room with me ), I sit there and think about when and before he was born. The 9 months of wondering. The 22 hours of ongoing pain I had to go through before the doctors finally decided he was going to be just as stubborn coming out of me as he was the whole 9 months of me carrying him. The hour of getting prepped, ready for surgery, and getting cut open while a blue sheet covered my face from me seeing not only my body parts lay on top of my chest, but my baby coming out of me and making his first cry. And the 2 hours it took for both me and my baby to recover from the day of labor and more. And then, the moment that took every bit of pain from the staples in my stomach away. The moment I got to hold him for the first time. The moment that I knew for the rest of my life I would be wrapped around his fingers. The sleepless nights, the midnight emergency room visits, the days that I wouldn't care how I am dressed or the one day a week showers I would endure because I am too exhausted to take more, wouldn't matter. Because for the rest of my life, my mind, body, soul and heart belongs to him. Every moment I have with him, I love. It doesn't matter what I go through in life, none of it matters when I'm with him. No man I ever love will EVER be even equal to the amount of love that I have for him. He is my one and only.

Just a moment with you is all I need. To forget why I'm mad. To forget why I'm stressed. To forget why I hurt. Having you in my arms for just that moment makes me forget everything I think I am, and remember who I really am... your mommy.


This is dedicated to my son Jeremiah Jaye Carrera, born August 2, 2011.

Filing Child Support ( Before the Appointment )

Okay, this is pretty much a vent, and an opinionated kind of post. So if you dont like it, or it offends you, I'm sorry. But, I want to ask everyones opinion on this sort of subject.

My ex boyfriend and I were together for 3 years. In 2010, I had to have back surgery, which put me out of work for a while, and then I got pregnant right after. He is the type of guy who wants a stay at home wife and mother who takes care of everything so he doesnt have to do anything when he comes home from work. I put up with everything for 2 years. I cleaned, cooked, took care of our son, did laundry, waited on him hand and foot, and so on. He cheated on me three times that I know of while I was at home with our baby. He also has a HUGE drinking problem and tends to be very abusive and not remember the next day. I finally decided to leave him and move back home 5 hours away so my family could help me while I got back on my feet. He told me when I moved back that he would help me by sending me money every week to help support our son. Since, he has sent a total of $60 in the last 5 months, and didnt even bother to call on our sons birthday this past month. He is trying to get back at me for leaving him by not doing anything for his son. I, honestly, don't even care about money, as long as he made the effort to see his baby. But, he doesn't do that either. He says he cant come up here to see him because his vehicle is broke down. The vehicle he has is mine, that I paid for, and the only reason I didn't bring it was so that he would have a vehicle to come up here and visit our baby without any excuses. Since I have left, he has almost totalled this vehicle that I tried to keep maintained.

I finally decided to put him on child support when he told me he didn't want anything to do with his son, but he also didn't want to give up his rights "just in case" he decided he wanted to have something to do with him later, pretty much putting my son on the back burner. I have an appointment with him and the attorney general tomorrow, and I'm not sure what to expect. I was with him when he got child support put on him with his other son, but I wasn't actually in the room when everything was happening. So I am CLUELESS on what to even expect. He says that he cant afford to send me any money because he only makes $600 weekly and he has a lifestyle to maintain. I make under $250 weekly, which I can afford to pay for day care, insurance, diapers, food, milk, wipes, clothes, etc. So, if I can afford it, why cant he?

These are my questions, and I am asking my viewers opinions on this. Am I wrong for putting him on child support? Should I make him pay for medical insurance and day care costs? Will we have joint custody if he is put on child support? Will I have to worry that I wont get my son back when he gets him if he decides to?

I will be viewing the comments hourly. I just want every ones feedback, and maybe some mommy's opinions if they have ever gone through this.

Spaghetti: Oh no !

The other day I decided to cook spaghetti. It is easy to cook, easy to clean ( so I thought ), and easy to put up the leftovers for later. I make homemade spaghetti because my boyfriend doesn't like marinara sauce that comes in the jar, and I think the extra 5 minutes it takes to make it homemade is worth it. So, I get through making it, make my son a plate, cut it up into little pieces, and stick it in the freezer to cool down, make my boyfriend a plate, make mine,  and take my sons out of the freezer. I was so tired because my boyfriend and I went to the water park that day. We were so sunburned and tired all I wanted to do was put Aloe Vera lotion on and go to bed. So, without thinking about it, I put the bowl of chopped up spaghetti and a rubber spoon on my sons high chair, and sat down to eat. I look over my shoulder after about a minute, and the whole bowl is tipped over, with orange sauce splattered all over the highchair, and his whole face and body covered in noodles. All I could do was laugh at myself because it was my fault for putting it on his high chair and giving him a utensil. My son is just now starting to use a fork. He loves to use his spoon to throw food everywhere, and thinks its funny when people have to bend down to clean up his messes. I finally got up from the table without even finishing my dinner to clean him up. I tried taking a washrag to clean his face and hands, but by the time I got to his stomach, I learned that he was sticking noodles inside his diaper. So i had to get him out of his highchair, run the bath water, and stick him in the tub to clean him off. He loves baths so he sat in the bathtub and played for quite a while, while I cleaned the spaghetti stains off of his skin. By the time I got him out of the water, and into bed, I was exhausted. I went into the kitchen to clean up the mess and I saw the biggest mess I have ever seen. I cleaned it up, and decided to do a walk through of my house before I passed out. Good thing I did, because there were noodle tracks everywhere.

Lesson #1: If your toddler is not the best utensil user yet, DO NOT feed him/her spaghetti by themselves.


This is just an LOL moment I had to share.